Obligatory NASCAR Post

If you’ve lurked my past posts, you’ll realize I’m a nontraditional NASCAR fan. Today is the Daytona 500 and is the first race of the 2013 Sprint Cup series. Needless to say, I’m pumped. So, since I’m unemployed (day seven) and have nothing better to do, I figured I would blab about my illogical reasoning of what I think is going to happen this season (for those of you who are wondering, the cats are finally getting along). Alright, let’s start:

2013 is going to be the year of Kahne.

Why I think Kasey Kahne is great: he’s cute, has an alliterate name just like me (his middle name also begins with K), his sponsor has a catchy jingle, and he had a pretty solid 2012 season without attracting too much attention to himself. Now, I don’t necessarily thing it’s great that people didn’t focus on him too much, but it’s going to be great for me when I pick him all season and win lots of points in my fantasy NASCAR league.

Again, I don’t really have substantial reasoning as to why I like or dislike drivers, but they’re reasons nonetheless. But fine, here are some facts and figures for you: in 2010 he finished 20th, in 2011 he finished 14th and in 2012 he finished 4th. Kahne is making moves and it isn’t just luck. I would definitely say Kahne is an underdog coming up from behind, and I definitely believe he will claim a top three finish in the 2013 season with having won two or three races. And, again, he’s pretty cute.

But not as cute as this guy

I know, I know. I already used this picture of Jimmie Johnson and technically he’s even in that picture with Kasey Kahne, but whatever. Jimmie Johnson is incredibly attractive and that’s all that matters. Kidding, he’s also a great driver, positive, does triathlons, and has done a couple of Google+ hangouts. Some people may not like him because he shows just a little more emotion than a rock and often doesn’t really race until the last 40 laps. I think it’s great that he keeps such a calm exterior (and it’s not like he doesn’t smile once in a while) and his racing method gives him wins, so there’s that.

I don’t need to tell you much about Johnson. He’s going for his sixth Sprint Cup title, failing to obtain it last season due to some bad luck (to say the least), and his dominance on the track is clear. He’ll be starting 9th at Daytona and blahblah I’m sure he’ll do great.

Maybe his sponsor is why he’s so animated about things

Unlike Johnson, Clint Bowyer tends to show exactly how he feels. This is why I like him, he’s relatively uncensored in what he says and does, he has fun with things, and he’s an aggressive driver. He finished second last year, beating Jimmie Johnson by a mere one point, no thanks to Jeff Gordon intentionally wrecking him (Bowyer’s retaliation is featured in the spoof commercial I just linked to).

Bowyer is a pretty solid driver and I like the guy’s attitude. I’m not too sure if there will be any grudges on the track between him and Gordon this season but hopefully not. My guess is that he’ll finish in the top five this season, though I’m hesitant to say he’ll make it into the top three.

Ugh.

I’ll say it once and I’ll say it always: I do not like Jeff Gordon. His time has passed and he needs to retire. I didn’t like him before he wrecked Bowyer and I didn’t like him after. His performance in the 2012 season was mediocre at best and though he is seated second today in the 500, he’ll fall back in the lineup in no time. Also, just because you can do one lap really fast, it doesn’t mean you’re going to have a great race. Which leads me to the next driver I don’t like…

*eye roll*

People are always surprised when I say I don’t like Danica Patrick. I guess seeing how I’m also the proud owner of a vagina, I’m supposed to be her #1 fan. Well, sorry, but that isn’t the case. She’s coming into the 2013 Sprint Cup series full time and we’ll see how that goes for her. She has a habit of getting caught up in wrecks more often than not in the series (including last year’s Daytona 500), so, again, we’ll see how that goes.

The main reason I don’t like Patrick is because of how she markets herself. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you have to get mostly naked in order to make a name for yourself. I would have loved to put up pictures of Johnson and Kahne in their swimsuits or at least with their shirts off, but guess what! There aren’t any shirtless pictures of them that come up in a brief Google image search. Search for Danica Patrick and the third picture is her taking off a fire suit to reveal a bikini. Maybe if she proved herself on the track first and then cashed in on her profitable body I’d feel a little bit different.

Obviously if you’re a woman playing a man’s sport, your boobs and butt are going to be what people want to see. I just think she has more of a reputation for being booked in scantily clad photo shoots than she does winning races, that’s all I’m sayin’. Just because she’s good at taking her clothes off, doesn’t mean she’s good at racing (which is what many of my male ex-coworkers could never differentiate between). </rant>

>>All and all, it should be an interesting season. I’m interested to see how the Gen6 cars will drive and how long it’ll take drivers to get fully adjusted and acquainted to them. They’ve already had some practice but a full-length race could have them handle a bit differently. Safe to say I’m excited! The five drivers I picked for the Daytona 500 are Kasey Kahne, Jimmie Johnson, Clint Bowyer, Denny Hamlin, and Joey Logano. Hamlin I picked because he’s a great driver and recently had a daughter whom he named Taylor. Logano I picked because he’s my age and I might have a shot at being his trophy wife at some point in time.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: